Here we go!
Writing the last blog entry was absolutely liberating. As I was writing it, I noticed blockages dissolving and structures were forming. Talking or writing about things usually helps. Why hadn’t I done this before? Probably because I just needed some time. To breathe or simply to gain strength.
As mentioned in my last entry, unfortunately, a sad event occurred in my family at the beginning of the summer. Someone who was important to me in different ways has said goodbye to us. After a long illness, he had died. However, since our relationship was quite ambivalent, it is correspondingly difficult to say goodbye. I mean the thoughts and feelings I had with his death were equally ambivalent. In addition, his death had also left me with a few other painful facts regarding family. That had occupied me for quite some time time.
In my last entry, I also mentioned that I am thinking of participating in a competition which’s deadline is the end of September. Well, these two things go together, because the subject of the competition is dark moments. I had kept it a little open to whether I would process my emotional chaos by writing a piece that I could contribute. And so it happened that it got up completely unexpected and thus absolutely unadulterated. On a Friday night, an hour before I wanted to leave the house, a poem left my emotional world. The fact that it became a poem was a bit of a surprise to me, because I hadn’t written one since puberty. But if you think about it a little more closely, it’s not too surprising, as a poem is the most natural way to express one’s feelings. It is impulsive, fragmented and focused on the essentials. Just like an outburst of emotion.
It’s feels tremendously good being able to free myself a little bit and at the same time getting back into a productive writing process. I feel so much more connected to myself again.